Stripped and Naked: art of mothering

God says to not have any other gods before him and when I think of this , I think of wood, something shiny, but sitting here with my almost 3 month old, I now see what god I had sitting in my heart, my soul, my mind. I thought that I could master mothering without Jesus . I shamefully admit that as long as I had the "tools" I could mother naturally and blend in with others. I now sit here not having any direction or light that guides me so I fearfully hold on to God's promise that he never leaves and that it's not for my understanding, it's his will. I wake up in fear of feeling like already the day will be a failure yet when I yield to prayer , I press against the dragon and blow away images of my expectations. I would not trade this dinner place with Jesus for anything because I know he makes no mistakes and his invitation to trial is an honor. Indeed , my table set is not what I chose nor looks familiar but its exactly where I am suppose to dwell. Everything I thought I was is shredded in bits of pieces , yet what is clear and strong is God and my faith that dwindles back and forth singing a song of redemption.