"It's getting closer." Indeed this is one true statement, but I still feel invaded each time someone mentions how low I am, how big I am and how "courageous" I am. I suppose that is what I enjoy molding clay most with my children. There are no expectations, no disappointments or cookie cut form of creating, it just sits still waiting for someone to touch, imagine, and hold...just like my baby growing inside of me. Milani (3) asks "what making Pey-Pey?" Pey-Pey stares down at his clay and states " You have to wait sissy." Milani and her big eyes accepts this, moves on and appreciates the constant movement of clay and it's open -ended possibilities. Sometimes I imagine this perfect birth circle of my children, husband surrounding me at home, supporting me and helping me bring our baby in, and even then I must surrender, put the image down, crumble it because it's my image of when , where, and how. I don't see my due date as a marker, I can feel the baby descend physically , my anxiety has turn to anticipation emotionally, and my prayer has been simplified to let he/she be healthy, so it's getting closer because this little person has placed reminders on my soul, preparing me to birth like a child with clay and no manual.
1 comment:
Hi Jess,
I love this analogy. I remember the idea from the ICAN meeting and the exercise with clay. We like to form our own clay but that doesn't really work. We can't control it. And it perfectly goes with the idea that God is the potter and we are the clay. We have to surrender. Are you moldable today?
Dorina
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